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Mr. Jones is a practical man.
He has no use for Halloween night.
He says ghosts and ghouls are myths for fools
and he closes his shutters up tight.
But Halloween night while Mr. Jones is sleeping
his bones slip out of his skin,
without permission they go out trick-or treating;
in the morning they sneak back in!
Weird things happen on Halloween night;
wonderful things that give you a fright.
Such strange things tingle your spine with delight
when you're out on Halloween night!
Gloria Green loves Halloween
because she gets to be somebody new.
She dresses up like a teacher or a mother
or a business woman in blue.
To you and me that seems rather boring
but to her it's a wonderful switch.
She's always sad when Halloween is over
and it's back to being a witch!
Weird things happen on Halloween night;
wonderful things that give you a fright.
Such strange things tingle your spine with delight
when you're out on Halloween night!
Jeanie, Grant, and Brian went out trick-or-treating;
walking from door to door.
They turned down a darkened street, heard an extra pair of feet,
and instead of three kids there were four!
The new kid's costume was a quite convincing mummy;
straight from Egyptian lore.
They took him home to meet their ma, turned around and all they saw
was a pile of linen rags on the floor!
Weird things happen on Halloween night;
wonderful things that give you a fright.
Such strange things tingle your spine with delight
when you're out on Halloween night!
Widow Dole was a frightened old soul.
She was terrified of being greeted.
So she carved a pumpkin with a hideous face
just to scare away trick-or-treaters.
The pumpkin worked so well nobody rang her bell.
She kissed it as if to say,
"You've been one terrific friend!"So it winked at her and grinned,
and she fainted dead away!
Weird things happen on Halloween night;
wonderful things that give you a fright.
Such strange things tingle your spine with delight
when you're out on Halloween night!
You are invited to a party tonight
just to celebrate Halloween.
Dance with Mr. Jones' bones, greet the widow's jack-o-lantern,
have some cookies baked by Gloria Green!
It would be no fun if you said you couldn't come
so we hope to see your face.
We'll have a howling good time from midnight until nine,
and we thank you for the use of your place!
Weird things happen on Halloween night;
wonderful things that give you a fright.
Such strange things tingle your spine with delight
when you're out on Halloween night!
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There's a vampire in our basement; my brother told me that.
He lurks among the shadows. At nighttime he's a bat.
He's in his coffin sleeping. I know he's really there;
I can hear his lid start creaking when I'm sneaking down the stairs!
Before you visit my house, there are things you ought to know.
There are certain nooks and crannies where you really shouldn't go,
unless you're like my brother, either dumb or half insane;
in the basement with the vampire 's where he runs his model trains!
There's a mummy in the closet down the hall from my bedroom.
My brother says it won't wake up if no one bumps its tomb.
It's somewhat safely hidden behind a pile of drapes.
I can tell it's really back there from the smell that it creates!
Before you visit my house there are things you ought to know.
There are certain nooks and crannies where you really shouldn't go,
so don't be like my brother; he takes bravery too far.
In the closet with the mummy 's were he hides his baseball cards!
There's a ghost up in our attic; she's been there for fifty years.
My brother says she used to be the lady who lived here.
I know she's really up there 'cause on quiet afternoons,
I can hear the ceiling creak and pop as she glides above my room!
Before you visit my house there are things you ought to know.
There are certain nooks and crannies where you really shouldn't go,
I worry 'bout my brother; when he wants to be alone
it's the dark and ghostly attic that he likes to call his own!
There's a little hairy spider living underneath my bed,
and when I told my brother that he almost lost his head,
so now he won't go near there, which is more than fine with me,
'cause that's where I keep the comic books I don't want him to see!
Before you visit my house there are things you ought to know.
There's a ghost up in the attic; there's a vampire down below;
there's a mummy in the closet; but the thing my brother dreads
is the little hairy spider living underneath my bed!
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To the monsters in my closet
and those underneath my bed,
I just wanted you to know that
you are only in my head.
No, I don't believe in you at all.
You are just imaginary.
I'm too smart to think that you are real.
There is nothing you can do to scare me.
To the monsters in my closet
and those lurking near my bed,
I sincerely hope that you believe me.
You are only in my head.
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4. |
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Instrumental
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5. |
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It was very late one Halloween night,
after all the trick-or-treaters were sound asleep.
I thought I heard a knock on my front door,
so I snuggled down deeper into my sheets.
The knock kept knocking, louder and louder.
Finally it knocked me wide awake.
I tumbled downstairs to see what was the matter,
yelled, "What do you want, for goodness sake?" and heard,
"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"
It was a tiny old troll with a long white beard,
a pointy red hat, and a crooked grin.
I said, "Listen kid, that's a really cute costume,
but I ran out of candy at half-past ten."
I slammed the door and I locked all the latches,
took two aspirin for my aching head,
went back to my room and was startled to discover
that rude little troll sitting on my bed! He said,
"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"
I decided to find out who was in the costume.
I pinned him down and yanked his beard.
The troll cried "Ouch!" and ran into the corner.
He hopped three times and disappeared.
I woke the next morning, happily believing
that the funny little troll was only a dream.
I turned on the TV, and guess who I saw singing
in his pointy red hat on channel three? He sang,
"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"
I flipped around through all the different channels.
Every single one was Troll TV.
I pulled the plug, but that was only the beginning.
All week long the troll pestered me.
He kept popping up in the least likely places.
Twenty three times I chased him away.
His crooked little grin was driving me crazy,
and by now you know all he had to say was
"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"
Finally I did the only thing that I could think of.
I bought a half-pound bag of sweets.
That day the troll was hiding in the bathtub
when I found him and I gave him his trick-or-treat.
He tucked the candy underneath his hat,
then he hopped three times and he disappeared.
And though he never did come back,
I still dream about the troll with the long white beard!
"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"
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There's something going on at the library.
It's a mystery, it's a mystery.
There's something going on at the library.
Go there if you dare and see - it's a mystery!
It was shocking and frightening, his head full of lightning,
with his kite and key there stood Benjamin Franklin.
He looked out through his bifocal lens,
and said, "Welcome to the library, friend."
I was hardly through blinking, when standing there thinking
in a stovepipe hat I saw Abraham Lincoln.
He was talking 'bout the war comin' on.
He said, "Something here is terribly wrong."
I checked the encyclopedia to confirm my wildest fears.
These two men had been dead and gone for more than 100 years.
So what were they doing here?
There's something going on at the library.
It's a mystery, it's a mystery.
There's something going on at the library.
Go there if you dare and see - it's a mystery!
Now I swear I'm not braggin, I heard someone say "Tag," and
when I turned myself around there stood a 40 foot dragon.
She said, "Welcome to my treasure trove.
Pick out anything you want to take home."
Well, I looked over the scene - so many colorful things -
then my eye fell on the pegasus, a horse with two wings.
And he said, "You can take me out for a ride,
but you'd better bring me back on time."
Someone's imagination thought these creatures up long ago,
yet here stood were in front of me just as plain as my big toe.
Tell me, how can it be so!
There's something going on at the library.
It's a mystery, it's a mystery.
There's something going on at the library.
Go there if you dare and see - it's a mystery!
It was exciting and shocking, all those animals talking.
There were dinosaurs with pompadours and skeletons walking.
I began to take a good look around.
Every shelf held something new to be found.
I saw tornadoes and blizzards and witches and wizards
and deep in a volcano, some guitar playing lizards.
I met gold medal olympic stars
and little lost men from Mars.
Now I know I saw everything I said, but I imagine you don't believe.
You may say it's all in my head, still it feels so real to me.
Don't ask me how it can be!
There's something going on at the library.
It's a mystery, it's a mystery.
There's something going on at the library.
Go there if you dare and see - it's a mystery!
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7. |
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Instrumental
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8. |
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It was very late one Halloween night,
after all the trick-or-treaters were sound asleep.
I thought I heard a knock on my front door,
so I snuggled down deeper into my sheets.
The knock kept knocking, louder and louder.
Finally it knocked me wide awake.
I tumbled downstairs to see what was the matter,
yelled, "What do you want, for goodness sake?" and heard,
"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"
It was a tiny old troll with a long white beard,
a pointy red hat, and a crooked grin.
I said, "Listen kid, that's a really cute costume,
but I ran out of candy at half-past ten."
I slammed the door and I locked all the latches,
took two aspirin for my aching head,
went back to my room and was startled to discover
that rude little troll sitting on my bed! He said,
"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"
I decided to find out who was in the costume.
I pinned him down and yanked his beard.
The troll cried "Ouch!" and ran into the corner.
He hopped three times and disappeared.
I woke the next morning, happily believing
that the funny little troll was only a dream.
I turned on the TV, and guess who I saw singing
in his pointy red hat on channel three? He sang,
"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"
I flipped around through all the different channels.
Every single one was Troll TV.
I pulled the plug, but that was only the beginning.
All week long the troll pestered me.
He kept popping up in the least likely places.
Twenty three times I chased him away.
His crooked little grin was driving me crazy,
and by now you know all he had to say was
"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"
Finally I did the only thing that I could think of.
I bought a half-pound bag of sweets.
That day the troll was hiding in the bathtub
when I found him and I gave him his trick-or-treat.
He tucked the candy underneath his hat,
then he hopped three times and he disappeared.
And though he never did come back,
I still dream about the troll with the long white beard!
"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"
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Halloween Madness was originally released in 1992 as a five song cassette (hence the tape hiss - enjoy!). Now it is available again, with three digitally recorded bonus tracks (6, 7, and 8).
released September 11, 2012
Songs and recordings by Monty Harper.
Apr 2015
Mar 2014
Nov 2013
Nov 2011
